I Lost Her Again

I was really glad to be seeing her again though not under the circumstances that I would like to. But it was definitely better than not seeing her at all. I would normally observe her from a distance as I wouldn't dare to let her know that I was in the same camp as her boy friend. I couldn't imagine what would her reaction be if she were to see me again. Would she still remember me? I just didn't dare take the chance. Anyway I was satified sharing her happiness she showed whenever she was with him. As long as she was happy I would be just as happy. These secret observations went on for almost half a year until that day. I was walking behind the army boy, expecting him to be meeting her at their usual spot. Waiting at the spot was a lady alright but she was not her. It was another her. Then where is my her? I was caught off guard by the sudden change in character. I was hoping that she was just a causal friend of his who happened to be around the area. But it turned out otherwise. They behaved more like a pair than just causal friends. Then what had happened to my her? My imagination went wild and couldn't stop thinking what could have happened between both of them. Why was his arm around another lady and not hers? I had actually wanted to go up to him to ask him where she was? But who am I to approach him to ask about her? I felt so lost as I didn't know what I should do. And when the same lady turned up in the next few meetings, I confirmed that my her was not part of his life anymore. I should have felt happy as it would mean that she was single again but I didn't have that kind of feeling at all. In fact, I felt horrible. I may not know what had caused their breakup but seeing that the army boy was able to get someone else so quickly, I was worried that she might not have taken the blow so lightly and could be feeling miserable then. Thus, I could I feel happy when she was not feeling that way. I wasn't able to concentrate on my training and was punished accordingly when I made mistakes. But that didn't bother me. I was more concerned if she had recovered and carried on with her life. Soon I started to scan the newspaper for suicide news and even scrutinised the obituary pages. But that was all in vain and I was glad not to see her name in the news. But since then, I had the habit of taking note of victim's name being mentioned in any suicide, accident or similar news articles and of course not forgetting the death notices also. All these went for a number of years until that day when I saw .........................

~~~ Stay Positive! Stay Happy! ~~~
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